Jump to content

IPB Style© Fisana
 

Gus

Member Since 09 Mar 2006
Offline Last Active Jun 05 2014 05:35 PM
****-

Topics I've Started

He Said She Said

24 October 2013 - 07:29 PM

 

 He said.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. 
She said.... You wear pants don't you? 

He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
 
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! 

He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? 
She said .... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
 

He said..... Why are married women heavier than single women? 
She said..... Single women come home; see what's in the fridge; and go to bed.

Married women come home; see what's in bed; and go to the fridge

 


KC'S China Trip

12 October 2013 - 02:53 PM

While in China , KC is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

KC returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost
unheard of here, we know very little about it.'

KC looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.'

KC screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'

The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day, KC seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'

KC says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'

Oh, Thank God!' KC replies........

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks.  Faw off by itself!'  :lol:  :lol: 

 

 

 


KC and OP Poker Players

12 October 2013 - 02:48 PM

Two couples were playing poker  one evening. OP accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent  down under the table to pick them up, he noticed KC's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, OP upon trying to  sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, OP went to the kitchen to get  some refreshments. KC's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that  you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, OP admitted that, well  indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess  the financial and moral costs of this offer, OP confirms that he is  interested.

Sue told him that since her husband  KC worked Friday afternoons and OP didn't, OP should be at her house   around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday  rolled around, OP showed up at KC's house at 2 p..m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their  transaction, as agreed.

OP quickly dressed and  left.

As usual, KC came home from work at 6  p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did OP come by the house this  afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue  answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her  heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give  you £500?'

Sue, using her best poker face,  replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500.'

KC, with a satisfied look on his face,  surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and  borrowed £500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on  his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my  friends, is a poker player...........

 

 

 

 


How to Calm a Man Down

08 October 2013 - 05:14 PM

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems
to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is
getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your
mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the
room or goes to bed and falls asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband
started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth
shut that does the trick...."

Baby's first doctor visit

28 September 2013 - 06:24 PM

 


A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, while waiting for OP the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
 OP arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, 'she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' OP the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the OP said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came!!!!!!

Copyright © 2019 Your Company Name